Feelings

Psalm 34:10
The young lions do lack and suffer hunger;
but they that seek the Lord shall not want
for any good thing.

Although I live in the "world", I am not of it. As one of my favorite pastors (Rev. Harvey Carey of Citadel of Faith, Detroit)  has said, I am an ambassador of Heaven, living and working here on earth. And sometimes, the ways of earth do "catch me up." Just as I'm sure the ways of America have "caught up" ambassadors from other countries.

So, lately every once and a while, I find myself behaving in ways that aren't cool with me. Like right  now, part of my brain keeps telling me that I should feel down about the fact that August has ended without a pregnancy. I should feel like a failure. I should feel old. I should feel hopeless and helpless. I should feel badly about myself. I'm a female, and I can't even complete the simple task of getting pregnant. Something must be wrong with me. I mean, I am married, so I can get sex anytime I want it. Something must be wrong with me.

 But as loud and as repetitious as that voice is, I just can't buy into the garbage. I don't feel badly about myself. Actually, I feel pretty good about myself. I managed to eat a healthy breakfast this morning, so I did something good for my body. I don't feel old. I can get up and down from the floor with my ten month old, as I prove 23 gazillion times a day. I don't feel like a failure. I'm on my cycle right now, which means that I ain't in menopause. Hope springs eternal! I don't feel hopeless. The Lord loves me. He hears me. And He does answer prayer. Like I said, I'm feeling pretty good.

I truly believe that God is not done growing my family. And although pregnancy is not happening in my time, that doesn't mean that God isn't working behind the scenes to put good things together for me. Pregnancy will happen. I know it will. I don't know how or why I know...I just do. I know in my thinker. Pregnancy is on the way.