Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thought Vomit Thursday


     Since I enjoy being random, I thought I would participate this Thursday.

  • When I'm at the mall in the middle of the day, it really bothers me when there are a lot of other people there, too. In my mind, I'm thinking, "Why aren't you at work?!?!?"
  • I don't think that I'm the world's best driver, but I don't feel like there are too many drivers out there that give me any competition.
  • Why is it that the people you would take advice from, are rarely the ones who offer it freely? Usually, it's offered by the people whose own situation you use in stories as examples of what not to do, who think they could live your life better than you can.
  • I really want to use coupons more often to save money, but it's kinda hard when I always forget step #1...TAKE COUPONS WITH YOU TO THE STORE. I annoy myself with that. LOL.
  • I read on Rose's Daughter's blog here, that you should keep your blogs short. Mine are probably entirely too long, so I'm gonna cut them down...starting now.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

1 Timothy 3:4
He must manage his own family well
 and see that his children obey him,
and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.

     I don't know if I'm able to fully convey it. I'm not even sure that there are words in our language to fully convey it...but I ADORE my family. The three people who share this home with me (two of whom have shared my body with me), are the glory of God in human form in my life. That doesn't mean that I'm always feeling them. I mean, just last night the daughter made me wish that she was leaving for college TOMORROW. The son's constant biting, kicking, and (worst of all) hair pulling makes me call on patience that I didn't even realize I possessed. Many is the time, I could've sent him flying, when an unexpected and excruciating tug to my hair made me yelp in pain, and look around for the culprit who was about to receive a south-side beat-down. And the hubby? There isn't even a need to comment on the number of times he's almost driven me to make myself a divorcee or a widow.

     Nevertheless, all things considered...these three people are the wind beneath my wings. I love them to life. The only thing is, I so rarely get to spend time with the three of them together. Of course, I'm ALWAYS with the baby. Rare are the times you will catch me sans him. As a stay-at-home mom, I guess that comes with the territory (smile). I also spend quite a bit of time with K. Ever since she was a little girl, I've referred to her as "my shadow" (that title now belongs to K2.0) and "my left hand." And it goes without saying that I spend at least 75% of my time with both children. The hubby is a hard worker. He just is. His work schedule is very demanding. And since the career he's in provides parochial school tuition for K, insurance benefits for all 4 of us, and allows me the luxury of staying home with K2.0, he has to work. And I can't ever complain, because 80% of society would LOVE to make the kind of money that the hubby makes.

     But it does leave a void. 90% of the time, I'm the only parent supporting K at school sponsored functions/assemblies. All housework, cooking, cleaning, car pooling, errand running, doctor appointments and such fall on my shoulders. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't bother me much. It is what it is. What really bothers me, is when I have to show up to church...husbandless. To extended family events...husbandless. To holiday parties...husbandless. To weddings or funerals...husbandless.

     Recently, the support group that I attend (geared towards stay-at-home moms of color) had an event for the children. Since the support group is women only, I decided to attend. I had some of the wind knocked out of my sails when I arrived and realized that I was the only one to show up stag. (I mean, K2 was with me, and he is a guy...but he doesn't even walk yet.) I never felt so "5th wheel" in all of my life. I got a first hand look at how single moms (I was raised by one) must feel on the regular. It was a lonely place to be, as couples shared secret whispers, and sometimes wandered off from the group for some time with each other and their respective children. I just felt like the odd-man-out. Not to mention that we had to get on and off of this huge tractor several times, and K2.0 was sleeping soundly in his stroller. Which meant that somebody's husband had to lift the stroller off and on several times. The husbands were great, and very helpful. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking, "They shouldn't have to be doing this. The hubs should be here doing this." Sometimes, I actually wonder if people think I'm faking the funk. Maybe they think I'm pretending to be married. I'm saying, the support group members have never met the hubby. They don't know me that well. Maybe they think I'm making him up.

     But those are some of things that made today even more fantastic than it would have ordinarily been. The four of us got up early (because the hubby had to work in the afternoon) and went to the apple orchard/pumpkin patch. It was sooooo cool being out there, acting silly, and taking pictures. It was nice to have my best friend there to share secret whispers with, and cuddle up with when the cold wind blew through the rows of apple trees. It was just...comfortable. Even though we had to hurry, so hubby could get home and prepare for work, I got to enjoy more than two hours of being a foursome. Father, mother, daughter, son just chilled and kicked-it like nothing else in the world mattered...except our little family.

     It was so nice.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I'm So Random

1 Corinthians 3:20
and again,
“The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”

So, I have more random thoughts...

     About the "Real Housewives" franchise

  • I'm not a real follower of this show. I only watch the girls from Atlanta and Beverly Hills.
  • Of all of the women from Atlanta, Ne-Ne is my least favorite. Followed by Kim. I basically like everybody else. Of all the women from Beverly Hills, I think Adrienne is my favorite. Kyle is kinda back-stabber "ish." Taylor is a victim. Kim has an emotional illness that has yet to be either identified or admitted (not sure which one). Lisa is kinda snarky & mean. Camille is better this season.
About people that I know
  • I asked K if there was any way that I could text somebody "restricted." I've been holding anger towards an ex-friend for a few years now, and frankly...I'm over being mad. I have already forgiven her in my heart, but for some reason I feel COMPELLED to let her know that I forgive her. But I want to do it anonymously. I don't know what this means. Somewhere in there, I think there's some pridefulness happening. I don't like the idea of that. Gotta do some prayer work about that.
  • I really miss my cousin L.R. I hate that are friendship drizzled down to nothing., especially since we've both had babies recently. They could be so close, if only we would mend our fences.
  • I haven't really missed talking to my friend (the one who blames me for her relationship blow-up), but it did hurt my feelings that she didn't call or text on the baby's birthday.
  • My mother is AWESOME in a crisis. If there's an emergency, she's the one you want with you. If something goes down, she's the one you need. She can totally keep a calm head. I really admire that about her. But that lady CAN NOT keep a secret. Telling her a secret is like telling Perez Hilton.
  • K is 16 years older than K2.0. My great-grandmother's oldest child was 16 years older than my grandmother.
     About things I notice while living life
  • I always judge other people's strollers against mine. Whenever I'm out, and see somebody else with a stroller, I can't help but check it out. I think that's because I registered fr my stroller online, sight unseen. I picked one of the cheapest ones, and somebody bought it for me. O, I think everybody has a better stroller than mine, and sometimes I am sooooo embarrassed of my stroller. I think it looks cheap. That is soooo prideful. And I know I shouldn't feel that way. It's not like it doesn't get K2.0 to where he needs to go. Honestly, I have considered buying a new one MANY times, but I can't justify the expense.
  • Most of my friends raise their children totally different than I'm raising mine. It's funny how you can love somebody and have so much in common with them, but then have two TOTALLY different mindsets when it comes to raising children.
     I have so much more I could write..but I'll save it for another day.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Close Encounters of the College Kind

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

     My daughter, K is a senior in high school this year. And I feel like she should be prepared for this. Ever since she was little, I have been constantly yakking about the importance of college. During spring break of her sophomore year my husband and I took her on a college tour. We drove across a good portion of the country. We went from Chicago to Nashville (Fisk University), from Nashville to Alabama (Tuskegee University), from Alabama to Atlanta, Ga (Clark & Spelman). From Atlanta, we went through So. Carolina, and No. Carolina, up to Virginia (Hampton University), and from Virginia, into D.C. (Howard University). Then from D.C., we made the 13 hour trek back to Chicago. It was a grueling wonderfully awesome (I was 13 weeks pregnant with K2.0 at the time) week long trip, but we felt it was worth it. Until K started bugging.

     First, she started wavering on her first choice. Now, that was fine with me. Just choose another first choice school. Therein lay the problem. She wouldn't/couldn't choose another school. Brochures and pamphlets have flooded our mail box. Emails are blowing up her phone. Colleges are holding seminars and open houses in our area. She is NOT interested.
     I have tried everything. I have tried to be understanding. I've tried giving up and deciding that college is her deal, not mine. I have tried to sweet talk her. I have tried yelling. I've tried being pissed. I've tried strong-arming her. I've tried it all. It seems like the only thing I accomplish is frustrating myself. Nothing worked. Nothing motivated her. When I asked her what her problem is, she whines, tears up, and tells me that she's overwhelmed at the "college process." She said, "It's my senior year. Why can't I just enjoy my senior year?"

     Now, I know some people are reading this and thinking, "Awwwww. Poor thing." Well, when she said it, I heard, "Filling out applications, requesting transcripts from my school's office, and asking teachers to write recommendation letters for me would require me to get off my butt, and do some something for myself."

     So basically, I've been forcing her to attend things. I've had to drag her to college fairs kicking and screaming. So, the 100 Black men of Chicago host a HUGE college fair every year, which over 300 schools attend, including all of the Historically Black Colleges, and even the Ivy Leagues. ~ Now, this is the fair that she fought me sooooo hard on. For days leading up to the fair, she complained and whined. She even tried to dig her heels in and tell me she wasn't going (now that, was funny. Like she had a choice, once I said she was going). The morning of the fair, she lolly-gagged around and sincerely tried to make us late, but I nixed all of her foolishness right in the bud.

     We visited the table of tons of schools. Some of the schools, she was interested in (Florida A & M, Amherst College), some of the schools, I was interested in for her (Spelman, Hampton U). She got a lot of information, and a lot of positive feedback. In the end, she finally made her school selections. Some of the schools that made the cut have been one the list since the beginning. Some of the schools are brand new, and some of the schools are HUGE surprises.

     But it was worth all of the headaches and frustration when we got in the car and K said, "Thanks mom. I'm glad you made me go to that."

Monday, October 10, 2011

K2.0 and Other Blessings

Isaiah 66:7
Before she was in labor, she gave birth;
Before her pain came, She delivered a male child.

     Today is K2.0's 1st birthday. I'm excited, awed, and blown-away by that  fact. It doesn't seem like it's been a year since I was holding my son for the first time. In just blink of an eye, he's grown so much.

     We had his birthday party on Saturday. It was such a nice event. And so different from K's 1st birthday party. She had a clown (which was less than a "hit", since most of the children including K were scared of the clown), and a ton of guest. Our house was filled to the brim with small children and their parents. K2.0's even was a very laid-back affair. I actually only invited family. The hubby, myself, K, K2.0, my mom, her husband & his mother, my grandmother, and aunt were the only attendees, but it was all right. I wanted him to have a calm day, with people who love him and only wanted to shower him with love and good wishes. Mission accomplished.

     We talked, ate, sang "happy birthday", watched K2.0 demolish a piece of his birthday cake, then proceeded to choke off of it. We laughed, remembered, recalled, hugged, marveled at his capabilities and had a good time. Even K congratulated me on "throwing" a really good party.

     I have already resigned myself to the fact that this will probably be the last "low-key" birthday party for a few years...and that's cool, too. But I will look back on this one with fondness and love. My family came together and had a good time all in the name of a little boy called "K2.0."

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Random Thoughts

Ecclesiastes 2:12
Then I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom,
and also madness and folly...

  • I watch a lot of Christian T.V. and I'm not a fan of Joel Osteen. I mean, I don't dislike him, he's just not one of my favorites. I find his sermons are a little to "fluffy." Today, he was good.
  • I have decided that I'm not excited about Carol's Daughter's Hair Milk, but I'm crazy about her Mimosa Hair Honey. My son has the prettiest, curliest, thickest, longest hair. I mean, people actually stop me on the street (in the grocery store, in the mall, etc.) and comment on it. The Hair Milk was supposed to make his hair more moisturized. Instead, I felt like it made his hair look more dry. But the Mimosa Hair Honey, is WONDERFUL. Plus, K kept complaining about the smell of the Hair Milk, but she hasn't said one word about the Hair Honey.
  • I really need new living room furniture. My furniture is gross. I hate it. I find it embarrassing. I don't think it represents me or what I stand for very well.
  • In my opinion, Target is classier than Wal-mart.
  • I love Target! I'm a total Target girl, but sometimes I cheat on Target, because Wal-Mart has better prices.
  • I haven't been able to go on vacation this year. I'm kinda sad about that. But the having K2.0 last October makes up for it.
  • I lost 8lbs last week. I feel really motivated. I thank God that the pounds came off. It was getting depressing. I hope I can lose 30 more, before I have to break out my winter coats. I could only fit one of them last year. This year, I hope to be able to fit into my entire winter coat wardrobe.
  • I'm excited about what's waiting for me in the future. I feel like it's gonna be HUGE!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Practical Believer

James 2:17

Thus also faith by itself,
if it does not have works,
is dead.

    So, I've been very blessed, as I have walked out my Christian life, to have sat under and learned from some wonderful men of the cloth. Men who have decided that in order for them to "rightly divide the word of God", they needed to make the word practical. - Personally, I'm convinced that often, when Christians lose their fervor for the bible and biblical teaching, it's because they don't understand how something that was written so long ago, could have use in their current life. But I have found that the right teachers, will make sure that you understand how to practically apply the bible, and Christianity into your everyday life, in a real, meaningful and results-producing way.

     I, myself, am a VERY practical believer/Christian. When I'm faced with a dilemma, I don't ask myself WWJD (what would Jesus do)? I pretty much know what Jesus would do (it's usually the OPPOSITE of what my flesh is telling me to do. LOL). But I'm not Jesus. So, I have to ask myself, "Self, how can Mrs. Mocha handle this situation in a way that would be pleasing to Jesus, and would also be practical?" I'm like, the Queen of trying to keep things practical, and break them down so far, that I can explain the principle to my teenage daughter without losing her attention, boring or overwhelming her.

     My method includes reminding myself that God is my heavenly parent (Father), while I am K and K2.0's earthly parent. So, in the same way that I love and adore them (but EVEN more), God loves and adores me. In the same way that their smallest success makes my heart swell with joy & pride, God's heart swells with joy & pride in my success. The same way that I'm amazed and super pleased when K repeats back to me, a principle that I have been drilling into her since she was little (and all those times, I thought she wasn't listening to me) , God is super pleased and amazed when I show Him that I "get it."

     By the same token, when K makes me angry enough to physically knock her head off of her shoulders, I'm reminded of all of the times I have spurred God's anger, yet He showed me mercy and offered me grace. And the times that I consider letting her slide on infractions, I'm reminded that God disciplines who He loves.

     This brings me to my current dilemma (and trust...I always have a dilemma).

     I read so much, and hear so much about the things that people (women) have done on the path to getting pregnant. I read the testimonies for I read about the benefits of v.itrex and Pr.imrose Oil and eating pineapple core. And taking Green Tea capsules. And Fer.tile Aid. - I wonder about investing. I'm a bible believing Christian, so I can't help but think to myself, "Mrs. Mocha, you might need to invest in some of this stuff. Faith without works is dead." 

     This is the dilemma. To invest in "aids" or not. For some TTCers, this is a NON question. And I understand that. Whatever products can help their cause are fair-game. They are fully supplied with everything they will "need" to achieve their goal of becoming pregnant. For's just not that easy. I have to review this scenario as an "earthly" parent v/s my "heavenly" parent.

     Scenario: I say to my daughter on Monday, "K, I promise that at 2pm on Saturday, I'm going to take you to the mall and buy you a new dress and matching shoes."

     Her response #1:
     On Tuesday, she goes out and rakes some leaves for the neighbor. When he pays her, she deposits the money into my bank account.
     On Wednesday, she lands a babysitting job. She deposits her payments into my bank account.
     On Thursday, she skips lunch at school and deposits the money into my bank account.
     On Friday, she mows a few lawns on the block and deposits the money into my bank account.
     On Saturday, at 2pm, she's returning a neighbor's dog, after taking it on a walk to make more cash. She doesn't get back home until 3:30pm.

     Her response #2:
     On Tuesday, she comes home from school, and cleans her room.
     On Wednesday, she vacuums the living room.
     On Thursday, she loads the dishwasher after dinner.
     On Friday, she separates her laundry.
     On Saturday, at 2pm, her clothes are still in the dryer, and won't be completely dry for another half an hour.

     Her response #3:
     On Tuesday, she comes home from school, eats chips & leaves the empty bag on the coffee table.
     On Wednesday, she has an attitude and spends all evening in her bedroom, texting.
     On Thursday, she ignores the dirt on the carpet and does not vacuum.
     On Friday, she asks for $10 to attend a school football game.
     On Saturday, at 2pm, she's showered, dressed and ready to go to the mall to get the dress.

     I ask myself, which one is the "faithful" response? As much as I hate to admit it, #3 is the most faithful response. - My daughter knows that if I promised to take her shopping at 2pm, on Saturday, then regardless of if she cleans her room or not, has money or not...she's going to the mall at 2pm on Saturday. She trusts that my promises are real. And that I won't "bait & switch" her at the last minute, like, "well, I decided that I didn't like your attitude on Wednesday, so now we're not going." She knows that my promises aren't contingent on her bringing anything to the table.

     She displayed her faith, by continuing to be the same "K" that she always is all week long, knowing that would have NO bearing on the promise. She displayed her works, by getting up, showering, getting dressed, and being ready to receive my promise at the allotted time. She was "in position" (if you will) to receive the promise, even though, some would argue whether she "deserved" it or not.

     As I was writing this...I promise I JUST got this principle. I'm about to take a "shout" break and do a "Holy Ghost" dance. I'm literally crying at the revelation!!!! God is so good. This whole thing has been eating me up, as of late. I have really felt like I have not been "doing enough" to get pregnant. - That's why the bible says, "That the works are "works of faith" - It makes SO much sense, now!!!!! I don't have to DO extra stuff. God's promise is ENOUGH.

     I was going someplace different with this post, but Since the Lord has spoken, and revealed to me the answer to my prayer...I will close this post now.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The "Other" Me

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled:
"Bad company corrupts good character.”

     Truth be told, the Mrs.  Mocha who exist now, is for all intents and purposes...a "new" Mrs. Mocha. As I have stated in other posts, the Lord really did remake me about six years ago. And I am so glad He did. Although, I was very used to the old me, and familiar with the old me, I can honestly say that I didn't like the old me very much. Some of that had to do with self-esteem issues on my part. Some of it had to do with the fact that I used to be angry, mad, sad, confrontational, attitudinal, quick-tempered and judgmental.

     As a person who has had an very real encounter with Jesus, I was changed. And I like the new me. I like being happy, and celebrating others. I like being pleasant, and compassionate. I like giving compliments and smiles. I just enjoy being positive and upbeat. I enjoy loving on people, and supporting them. However, I am very much aware, that deep down inside of me...the "old" Mrs. Mocha still exist. And even though I like the "new" me better, there are some character traits from "old" me that not only come in handy from time to time, but are necessary, when people who haven't met Jesus...start to act a little too foolishly for "new" Mrs. Mocha to overlook. Do you know what I'm saying??

     Back on August 30th, I made a post called, "I've Got A Secret." it spoke about the fact that I unwittingly stumbled upon the fact that a good girl friend's boyfriend was cheating on her. Ever since then, it's been one dramatic episode after another.

      Now, I'm not the type of person who wants to know other people's business. Sometimes, I secretly wonder if I'm apathetic, because I am soooo disinterested in what's going on in the personal lives of others. I mean, I just feel like I've got my own stuff to deal with, so what time do I really have to be wading around in your stuff? So, please believe me when I say, that I never intended to be the one to go running to my friend with evidence I had "gathered" against her boyfriend. It was actually a mutual friend, who brought it up. Still, I got left holding the bag, because I (semi-innocently) said to the guy (in font of group of people, which (un-beknownst to me) included 'the other woman') that I hoped he showed my girl friend a really good time on her birthday, because she deserved it.

     The guy involved in all of this totally cursed me out, to the point that the Hubby was ready to kick a$$ and my hubby is an EXTREMELY peaceable person. "The other woman" has called me, as well as sent me, not one, but two, emails about the situation (yes, I know her. We ALL went to high school together, and apparently are still in high school,based on the way this situation is going). And my friend is TOTALLY  blaming the fact that her relationship blew up, on me. 

     But what I have discovered in all of this, is that all of the times that my friend was telling me about her "wonderful" relationship, she knew there was another female all along. She knew she was "sharing" this guy all along. She and the "other woman" had been having heated arguments over this guy for the last six to seven months.

     At this point, I don't even know how to feel about my friend. I mean, I totally couldn't care less if she's open to being in a relationship with a guy who has a "main" woman. That's her business. I don't judge her on that front. But I really don't appreciate the fact that she has been LYING to me ALL ALONG. And that her LIES, are what caused me to be involved in this mayhem in the first place. If I had known that she was the "side piece", I would have acted accordingly. And never would've said anything to the guy at all!!!!! But here I was thinking she was the "only." - I don't know which is the bigger slap in the face: the fact that she's been  lying to me all along or the fact that she's blaming me for the blow-up, when she's known all along that her relationship was on fire.

     It's all so SUPER dramatic!!!! My friend is barely speaking to me (as I said, she's blaming me for the relationship blowing up), the guy has said that he feels he was COMPLETELY justified in cursing me out, and the 'other woman' seems as if she's trying to convince me that my friend is delusional (at best) and/or a hysterical stalker (at worse). She's so brazen, that she's actually attempted to recruit me to "talk" to my friend about her "irrational" behavior. - Yeah, that's gonna happen.

     The "other" me, is about five seconds from coming out and either verbally or physically abusing everyone involved.

     The "new" me, is just praying. And praying. And praying.