I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one as well as the other
I'm an unconventional Christian. I admit that. I relish in it. Not that I think that I'm a "better" Christian than other Christians. I just think that since my relationship with the Lord is personal and individualized, I don't choose to or have to follow the pack. One of the reasons that I consider myself unconventional, is because the 2 verses listed above are 2 of my favorite bible verses. I LOVE them, because the remind me that following Jesus isn't all about warm-fuzzies, cotton candy and good times. Following the Lord is about living a life that is filled with good times, bad times, happiness, sadness, life, death, healing, broken-ness, honesty, denial, selflessness, selfishness, holiness, carnality and everything in between. Bad things happen to believers, and we have to deal with unfortunate circumstances just like anybody else. And yes, those situations suck for us...just like they do for anybody else.
Anyway, these are the types of thoughts that were running through my mind. And to be honest, I had a little beef with God. I'm saying, there are definitely benefits to being a child of the Most High. I was wondering where my benefits had disappeared to. I was wondering why my prayers were going unanswered. I was wondering why I was in a situation where I even knew where the IVF clinic was located. Why was I being poked, prodded and prepped for a possible IVF? Not that I'm against A.R.T., but as a "fertile", IVF was something that had never even entered my mind. Yet, I found myself frequently visiting the IVF clinic for blood work and invasive ultrasounds.
Finally, God (I assumed after He grew tired of listening to me whine and lament) spoke to my heart. He asked me, "Mrs. Mocha, if I keep my children from every unpleasant thing on earth, who is supposed to speak life into these situations when non-believers or those whose faith is weakened or challenged go through hardships? If my children haven't lived through pain, hurt, loss, disappointment, death, problems, terrible medical diagnosis, shocking revelations, difficulties, tears, torment, disaster and come out on the other side, who would I be able to trust to give testimony? Who would openly empathize and offer encouragement? Who would uplift the people with stories of how they made it over?
And my entire attitude about IVF and the IVF clinic changed. Now, I see it for the blessing that it is. Now, when I go there, I can't help but think of John 1:3 ~ All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.
And now I see God's goodness and mercy in the clinic that gives hope to those who otherwise wouldn't have any hope. And now, I'm good with the idea that I might get to experience IVF. I'm good with the idea that my testimony might help encourage one of my friends or even a stranger. And I feel honored that God might allow me to be used to restore faith. That my experience might speak to somebody else in a real and meaningful way.