Monday, January 23, 2012

29 Days of Worship ~ Heartbreaks and Secrets

Proverbs 22:10
Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife;
quarrels and insults are ended.

     I'm the type of person who tries to remain judgment-free in my dealings with others. I don't throw around words like, "stupid", "dumb", "crazy" or "idiotic" too often. I'm not the person who regularly spouts phrases like, "if that happened to me, I would've..." or things like that. I wasn't always this way. I used to be the type of person that had an opinion about EVERYTHING. And normally, the opinion was completely and totally negative. That never really served me well, and when God remade my heart, he left most of the unhelpful foolishness by the wayside (thank Him immensely for this).

     Because of this, when people tell me things about themselves or others, what I'm feeling or thinking is not usually visible on my face, obvious from my speech, of noticeable from my actions. My first response usually goes one of three ways. I will say...

  • "Oh no! I am so sorry that happened!"
  • "Maybe there's more to the story that what you were told. You know, just because people don't confide in you their reasons for doing XYZ doesn't mean they don't have any reasons."
  • "Well, if you (your friend/the subject of the story) had it to do over again, would you (they) make the same decisions?"
     Since I have a track-record with people who know me of being overly-judgmental (I once had a friend tell me, "Mrs. Mocha, I hate telling you stuff, because you judge me too harshly), they might not be so inclined to believe that I've changed so drastically and hesitate to confide in me any situation which portrays them in a bad light. I think this is the deal with one of my oldest and best friends who is currently in the midst of a relationship that seems to be less than ideal. Because she doesn't tell me her secrets, the only way that I know that her relationship is "challenged" is because of the statuses that I see on which are posted by the woman that my friends seems to sharing her boyfriend with.

     I've written about these three before and I is sooooo heartbreaking to know that my friend's self-esteem has been reduced to the point that she would allow herself to continue in a relationship where all of her private and personal business becomes fodder for the "other woman" and her FB pals.

     I have spoken to the "other woman" (and posted about it) and tried to impress upon her that I think both women are too good for this guy. Neither seems to be interested in hearing that. I sometimes wonder if it's even about the guy anymore, and they just want to "beat" each other. I mean, the young lady NEVER makes any FB statuses about how the guy is catching hell for being a two-timer. All of her post are directed at my friend. And my friend is the same way. Any negativity she hurls, is always aimed in the direction of the "other woman." I don't know. This is all so...bizarre.

     Granted, I don't know what it's like to date in this era. I've been with Mr. Mocha since 1993, and married him in 1996. I don't know how slim the pickings are out in the dating world. I don't know the new "game" that men try to run on females, but this stuff that is going on with these three, I recognize from 1988. I don't know, I spend a lot of time praying for the two women involved. Separately, they are the sweetest, most giving, most kind, most even-tempered women, but you would never know it by the barbs they throw at one another.

     This situation makes me thankful. Thankful that the hubs is so loyal and faithful to me. Thankful that I met him when I was young, and didn't have the experience of being "dogged out" by one brother after another that some of my friends have been through. Thankful that when I place my heart in the hubby's hand,  know he'll protect it and take perfect care of it. Thankful that every (BAD) experience God allowed me to have on the front end of my life paved the way for the decisions that I made later on. Thankful that God has kept me from dangers seen and unseen.

     I'm just praying that these women wake up and begin to see themselves i the way that God sees beautiful and wonderfully made. I pray that they come to know that God didn't bring them here to accept rubbish as gold or urine as rain water. That they know that they don't have to "play themselves" or give up their dignity and pride for love. Love shouldn't have a cost that high.

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