Thursday, January 19, 2012

30 Days of Worship ~ Change in Perspective

Psalm 118:24
This is the day the LORD has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

     Yesterday, I went to the RE's office to have (yet more) blood drawn. As I was driving away, my mind started to wander. I started thinking about how much I don't get a "warm-fuzzy" feeling from the doctor's office, even with all of it's beautifully appointed decor. The staff there is sort of aloof and mechanical/robotic. The receptionist always gives me the same fake smile. A different nurse talks to me each time I show up. And the lady who draws my blood (might be the same person each time, might not. I wouldn't know) NEVER says anything to me. Not "hello." Not "make a fist." Not "Which arm would you like me take from?" NOTHING. She hovers in the background while the nurse is talking, until it's time for her to move in for the kill.

     The nurse who does the talking (again, it's a different one each time) NEVER talks to me about what went on (IE: gives results) at the previous appointment. I ALWAYS have to remember to ask. The place just feels very...uhm..."assembly line" like.

     So, as I was driving away, I was thinking about how much I don't like that place. I was thinking about how much I hope and pray that I get pregnant  before I have to utilize their A.R.T. services. I was thinking about how this is my fourth unpleasant experience with them, and how at this point, it probably wasn't going to get any better. And in the middle of these thoughts, the voice of the Lord spoke to me. He said, "have you ever thought to see the blessing in XYZ Clinic?" And without further ado, I began to praise God.

     I began to praise God, because I am blessed enough to live in one of he few states that has mandated the insurance policies to cover fertility treatment. So, when I go to the office and am treated less than solicitously, the cost for the services do not come from my pocket. I am blessed, because my husband works for a company that meets he guidelines to have A.R.T. covered, including IVF with GIFT, ZIFT, donor eggs and the like. I am blessed, because some people have waited YEARS to get to step I'm on, and I'm only on cycle #9. I am blessed, because some people seek treatment with the hope of becoming a mom, and I am already the mom to two gorgeous and healthy children. I am blessed to have this experience. Even if I'm only having this experience to make me more compassionate to the plight of others in a similar situation, I'm blessed.

     I'm a so thankful that God made me get out of "self-pity" mode, and pay attention to the big picture. Really, the fact that the lady who draws the blood doesn't talk is immaterial. the fact that there is a different nurse every time doesn't matter. The knowledge that I have to write and questions down, and remember to ask them to get the information is beside the point. The most important thing is that I appreciate the experience and get out of it what God has intended.

     Please Lord, help me be open to getting what you would have me to get from this experience...whatever it may be. I'm (finally) ready to be used.

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