Wednesday, October 24, 2012

IVF #2

     Well, "Chance" decided not to grow, and grow. So, here we are, preparing for our second dance  with IVF. I can't say that I was surprised, but I was definitely disappointed that things didn't work out the way that I would've wanted them to work.

      After a particularly long 8dp3dt, my back was aching and I was extremely tired. I went to the restroom, and almost fainted when I saw blood on the Charmin. It totally caught me off guard, but in retrospect, I realized that the terrible backache was a tell-tale symptom of my cycle.

     Life goes on.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


July 20, 2012

     So, here's the thing that I discovered about's very similar to motherhood. From the outside looking in, it looks like one thing, but when you're in it, you realize that's it's a totally different ballgame from the one you thought you'd be playing.

      IVF was something that I did not take seriously enough. I was very lackadaisical and reckless about the entire thing. I would watch Giuliana and bill and imagine the process, and read the blogs of the "road warriors" who had undergone 2, 3 and sometimes even more IVFs. I didn't think it would be a cakewalk, but I definitely didn't think it'd be the nightmarish trip to hell and back that it was. The high doses of insanity inducing hormones. The discomfort of a super bloated tummy. The intense gas pains. The mood-swings. The constant monitoring. The anxiety. The disappointment. The heartbreak of getting a less than favorable retrieval report. The gut-wrenching realization that you might have to do it all over again, if this cycle doesn't work. I think IVF is a wonderful, life-altering, blessed, God-given gift. I'm so grateful that this option was available to me and the hubby. I'm glad I was able to experience IVF, and that I might be an inspiration to others though this process. However, I really hated IVF. It was HARD. I pray that I never have to do it, again.

Monday, October 22, 2012

I can't believe it!!!

July 21, 2012

I'm PUPO!!!!!

I can't believe that I get to write that. I wasn't sure it would ever happen for me. But I'm PUPO!!!! I'm PUPO!!! I'm PUPO!!!

My transfer was a 3day. My embryo wasn't winning any awards. They graded it a 3, on a scale of to 4, with 4 being the highest. However, I'm encouraged. My body knows how to get pregnant, and stay pregnant.

I pray that my little embaby (whom I've taken to referring to as "Chance", because God is giving me the chance to complete my family) grows, and grows.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Getting To The Good Part

July 20, 2012

     I had my ET today. Compared to the ER portion of IVF, the transfer was FABULOUS!!!!

     The Dr who did my transfer was so nice, and personable. She was young, but very skilled. The nurses who took care of me, really took good care of me. They were my advocates in the operating room. They guided me, and lead me so that I had a really fantastic transfer experience.

     I love classical music, and the Dr. played some beautiful music during the procedure. It was a combo classical/zen/nature inspired thing, that completely relaxed me. While I was there, with my legs in the stirrups, my bladder threatening to burst, my lovely lady parts exposed, and my future child resting in a petri dish, I felt the presence of the Lord. So, I prayed. And I thanked the Lord for creating life all by Himself. I thanked Him for being with the teenagers who unknowingly created life in the backseats of cars, and behind bleachers after home games, and on top of piles of coats at house parties, and in empty stairwells. I thanked the Lord for being with the couples who created life in hotel rooms in Europe while on vacation, and on the couch, and on the breakfast table, and in their bedrooms, and everywhere on earth that people come together and create life. And I thanked Him for being with me, although some people would work to convince me otherwise. I know the Lord was with me. Blessing me. Holding me. Understanding me. Knowing my innermost thoughts. Having mercy on me. Covering me. Loving me.