Saturday, October 22, 2011

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

1 Timothy 3:4
He must manage his own family well
 and see that his children obey him,
and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.

     I don't know if I'm able to fully convey it. I'm not even sure that there are words in our language to fully convey it...but I ADORE my family. The three people who share this home with me (two of whom have shared my body with me), are the glory of God in human form in my life. That doesn't mean that I'm always feeling them. I mean, just last night the daughter made me wish that she was leaving for college TOMORROW. The son's constant biting, kicking, and (worst of all) hair pulling makes me call on patience that I didn't even realize I possessed. Many is the time, I could've sent him flying, when an unexpected and excruciating tug to my hair made me yelp in pain, and look around for the culprit who was about to receive a south-side beat-down. And the hubby? There isn't even a need to comment on the number of times he's almost driven me to make myself a divorcee or a widow.

     Nevertheless, all things considered...these three people are the wind beneath my wings. I love them to life. The only thing is, I so rarely get to spend time with the three of them together. Of course, I'm ALWAYS with the baby. Rare are the times you will catch me sans him. As a stay-at-home mom, I guess that comes with the territory (smile). I also spend quite a bit of time with K. Ever since she was a little girl, I've referred to her as "my shadow" (that title now belongs to K2.0) and "my left hand." And it goes without saying that I spend at least 75% of my time with both children. The hubby is a hard worker. He just is. His work schedule is very demanding. And since the career he's in provides parochial school tuition for K, insurance benefits for all 4 of us, and allows me the luxury of staying home with K2.0, he has to work. And I can't ever complain, because 80% of society would LOVE to make the kind of money that the hubby makes.

     But it does leave a void. 90% of the time, I'm the only parent supporting K at school sponsored functions/assemblies. All housework, cooking, cleaning, car pooling, errand running, doctor appointments and such fall on my shoulders. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't bother me much. It is what it is. What really bothers me, is when I have to show up to church...husbandless. To extended family events...husbandless. To holiday parties...husbandless. To weddings or funerals...husbandless.

     Recently, the support group that I attend (geared towards stay-at-home moms of color) had an event for the children. Since the support group is women only, I decided to attend. I had some of the wind knocked out of my sails when I arrived and realized that I was the only one to show up stag. (I mean, K2 was with me, and he is a guy...but he doesn't even walk yet.) I never felt so "5th wheel" in all of my life. I got a first hand look at how single moms (I was raised by one) must feel on the regular. It was a lonely place to be, as couples shared secret whispers, and sometimes wandered off from the group for some time with each other and their respective children. I just felt like the odd-man-out. Not to mention that we had to get on and off of this huge tractor several times, and K2.0 was sleeping soundly in his stroller. Which meant that somebody's husband had to lift the stroller off and on several times. The husbands were great, and very helpful. But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking, "They shouldn't have to be doing this. The hubs should be here doing this." Sometimes, I actually wonder if people think I'm faking the funk. Maybe they think I'm pretending to be married. I'm saying, the support group members have never met the hubby. They don't know me that well. Maybe they think I'm making him up.

     But those are some of things that made today even more fantastic than it would have ordinarily been. The four of us got up early (because the hubby had to work in the afternoon) and went to the apple orchard/pumpkin patch. It was sooooo cool being out there, acting silly, and taking pictures. It was nice to have my best friend there to share secret whispers with, and cuddle up with when the cold wind blew through the rows of apple trees. It was just...comfortable. Even though we had to hurry, so hubby could get home and prepare for work, I got to enjoy more than two hours of being a foursome. Father, mother, daughter, son just chilled and kicked-it like nothing else in the world mattered...except our little family.

     It was so nice.

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