Sunday, September 18, 2011

Plans? What plans?

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

     So, the Holy Spirit spoke this to me, on CD14, whilst I was in the middle of "doing the deed" (also known as DTD) with the hubby. And even though the time might have been a little "precious" for some, for me it was completely apropos.

     I mean, I have been known to schedule and plot when it's time for us to DTD. I have been known to purchase OPKs, and Mucinex, and green tea capsules, and Geritol. I have been known to scour the web looking for tips on ttc, and to consider buying Pre-Seed, or trying acupuncture, or purchasing CDs to help me visualize the sperm having a rendezvous with the egg, and the egg safely implanting itself in the loving confines of my uterus. I have been known to either do, or contemplate all of the things in my frantic attempts to render myself pregnant. And while logical Mrs. Mocha sees the irony of all of this, desperate Mrs. Mocha just wants to be pregnant already!

     The truth of the matter is that all of that stuff is just a distraction (for me. Others may honestly need them, me...not so much). I mean, I already have two children who were both conceived naturally, albeit 15 years apart. But even during the "hiatus" that is the length between the birth of my children, I was never really "trying" to get pregnant, again. I mean, we would go weeks...even months without DTD at certain periods during our marriage. And I can't ignore the fact that once we started actively "trying", I was pregnant within 6 months...and that was at the age of 39.

     I was naturally pregnant with my son, after 6 months of trying at the age of 39. No Pre-Seed. No OPKs. No Mucinex. No acupuncture. No special Yoga. No special diet. No Geritol. All we did was have A LOT of sex...and try to make sure that we got it in somewhere around the 14th day of my cycle, because that's when I assumed that I would ovulate.

     So, why all of the hoopla, now??? Honestly...I don't know. I don't know what has turned me from the cool, calm, and collected Mrs. Mocha who enjoyed DTD and found herself pregnant...into this raving, spending, fixated creature that I see when I look in the mirror. The only thing I can come up with is...KNOWLEDGE.

Don't get me wrong. I totally believe that knowledge is power. I want knowledge, and generally I love knowledge. But sometimes, knowledge can cause unnecessary stress, heartache and pain. When I was pregnant (PREGNANT!!! Did you just read that???) I would read this magazine at my Dr's office, called "Conceive." It probably goes without saying that this was a magazine for people who were having problems conceiving (did I mention that I was PREGNANT while reading this???). It contained articles with helpful hints, information and encouragement. I would practically study this magazine, knowing that the hubby and I wanted a third (and possibly 4th) child, and I was getting "up there" in age.

     Before I read this magazine, I had no idea that at 39 I was supposed to have trouble conceiving. I had several friends who had conceived at the same age or later. It was a pretty normal occurrence in my circle. ~ I also had no idea that so many things could kill sperm, and you should use Pre-Seed instead, if you found yourself a little less than moist "down there." I had never heard of Pre-Seed and had conceived two children using whatever was handy at the time. ~ Furthermore, I had never purchased, or even seriously considered purchasing an OPK. Shoot, every time I think back to 1994, I'm still pissed about the fact that I spent my daughter's college education on HPTs, only for EACH and EVERY one of them to come up negative...even when I was pregnant with her. So, the idea of me buying a $20 OPK was out of the question. I had read somewhere that women with a normal cycle usual ovulated around the 14th day of said cycle. I considered myself normal. I considered my cycle normal. It came every month, and lasted the same amount of days with very little variance in the amount of flow or pain. I assumed that I ovulated around the 14th day, and tried to tackle my husband on or around that day. ~ Not to mention that I have asthma, and I get REALLY bad menstrual cramps, so the thought of taking medication that I didn't need, when I needed so much so frequently anyway, was preposterous. I never would've entertained the thought of taking Mucinex to increase CM (what in the world is "cm???"), nor would I have been willing to spend $15 unnecessary dollars.

     So, who is the broad who has been doing all of this stuff? Who is this chick that is fixated on trying every wives' tale and witch's brew she reads about on ttc forums??? Who is this cow???? Cuz I, for one, don't recognize the heffa (or heifer, if you're into standard English). Nor do I like her very much.  She actually makes me think of another scripture, that didn't come for the Holy Spirit...

Ephesians 4:14
that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro
and carried about with every wind of doctrine,
by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting

     But thank God for His faithfulness and mercy. Thank God that's He's willing and able to pull me out of the mire, when I'm, unable to do it for myself. Thank God that He's willing to bring me back to my right mind, and remind me of what I already know.

     What I already know is that I didn't conceive K or K2.0 because of anything I did. I won't conceive baby #3 (and/or 4) based on whether or not I go by the OPK, how often the hubby and I DTD, if I have acupuncture, if I take Geritol or Mucinex, if I use Pre-Seed of something else, if I waste spend money on visualization CDs.

     I will conceive the next baby (or babies) the same way I did the first 2...because "it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

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