Ecclesiastes 3:11
Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.
He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so,
people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
As I was laying in bed this morning, dealing with the fact that a prayer had gone unanswered, I asked myself how I could thank God through it. Please trust and believe...praising while I was simultaneously experiencing frustration, disappointment, hurt, confusion, anger, envy, failure, discouragement and giving up was not my idea of a good time. Only obedience, and the fact that I KNEW that I had to get passed the unpleasant emotions allowed me to let my mind go there. I am not a person who likes feeling "ugly" feelings, so I try to deal with them and move passed them hurriedly. I'm not a "wallower." Actually, wallowing makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
Anyway, as I laid there thinking about the MANY prayers that have gone unanswered in my life. I remember being "in love" with this guy in high school and praying diligently that he would be my boyfriend. We'll call him Pierre Reynolds*. Pierre was easily one of the best catches in my high school graduating class. I mean, he was tall, fair-skinned, had a BEAUTIFUL smile, played 2 sports (football & baseball) {so you know dude had body}, and on top of all of his physical attributes, he was the nicest person you could ever want to meet. He was super sweet. If you saw him 10 times during the school day, he would speak to you 10 times. He was just a REALLY good guy. I was so in love with Pierre. Pages and pages of my senior diary were filled with thoughts, hopes and dreams of him. I wanted that boy so badly. I even convinced myself that if God wouldn't give him to me while we were in high school, I would make some MAJOR changes in my life, and get him at our 10 year reunion. I spent a lot of time praying to God about being Pierre's girlfriend. It never happened. He was in a serious relationship with some chick who I thought was WAY beneath me and my social standing at the school. (I wasn't conceited at all LOL). Anyway, during our senior year, Pierre started missing a lot of school. I mean A LOT. Later I found out that he was diagnosed with brain cancer. He didn't live past the year most of us turned 21. So there was no magical class reunion for Pierre Reynolds.
There are so many times that God has saved me from myself and my own lack of knowledge. And even though I couldn't see it at the time, God has always had my best interest at heart. So, even though I can't see how this most recent heartbreaking let-down will work out for my good, I thank God. In spite of being disappointed, hurt, frustrated, angry, impatient, envious and confused I thank God. He sees the things that are around the corner that I can't see. And sometimes, paths have to be put in place before you can walk into something. Perhaps God is laying the groundwork for my prayer to be answered at a later date.
All I know is that I do believe that God's will is what's best for me, even when I'm selfish and self-absorbed and REALLY want my own will. I know that the Lord will help me to come to terms with the plans He has for my life. After all He created me for Himself...not the other way around.
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