On the other hand, it does kinda suck not being able to share the ups and downs of this thing with anybody. I mean, right now my stomach aches, and my pants are almost too tight to button. And the hormones are make me crazy. Last night, K2.0 was really giving me the business when I was getting him ready for the bath. He would kick his little He-Man legs every time I tried to get his diaper off. So, I decided to let him know that I was serious with him, and not interested in playing with him. I meant to calmly, but firmly say, “Cut it out, 2.0,” while hitting the bed for emphasis. What ended up happening, was me yelling, “Stop!”, while punching the bed. The hubby and K were in the room with us, and the three of them looked at me like I was insane, and the room got eerily quiet. I was so consumed with my own thoughts (why did I yell that, when I meant to say it calmly, but firmly????), that I didn’t even remember to apologize to my baby, or explain myself to the hubby and/or K. I was still wondering what had come over me later, while I was actually bathing K2.0, and before I went to sleep.
I would love to share with a friend or confidante that today is day 7 of stims, and I already have 8 measurable follies. That my nurse says that I’m responding better to stims than the girls in their 20s who are also cycling this month. I shared it with the Hubby, his response was, “I’m happy for you.” He’s happy for me? Whatever. For fear of what the hormones might lead me to say, I let that comment ride.
I wish I could share how scared I am about this cycle. How I want my body to respond well, but I don’t want to use my last 15 good eggs on this attempt, and have it not work. There are so many thoughts running through my mind right now. Mainly about how badly I hope this cycle is successful. I REALLY want to get off of this rollercoaster. I really want to complete the family building portion of my life and get to the part where I’m enjoying watching my kids grow and blossom.
I wish that I had somebody to tell exactly how EXCITED I am, that this opportunity is even happening to me!!!