The Second Time Around Part I

September 13, 2012

   The title of this post comes from a song that I used to dance to and sing, way back was I was a little girl in 1979 and 1980. I remember the song, because it was good music, but also because the words have been extremely apropos for me, during many of life's experiences. And the words came rushing back, again, when I started this 2nd round of IVF.

     This round has been COMPLETELY different than round #1. Not that I thought the first round was gonna end up to be the bust that it turned out to be. It started off very positively. I had good growth at each u/s visit and my E2 rose appropriately. By the end of the stim cycle, I had a good 12 or 13 follies. But then, I jacked up my trigger shot by simply forgetting to screw on the syringe tightly. So, I was helpless as 90% of my Pregnyl rolled down my backside, and my husband kept right on going..even though he could see what was happening, and I couldn't. Though, in all fairness, I could feel it, but it was 3am, and I wasn't sure what exactly was happening. I did call my nurse right away and tell her about the mishap. I did go into the office at daybreak. But they assured me that HGC was present in my bloodwork. They felt that everything would be fine.

     It wasn't. The day of retrieval, they got 3 eggs. All of which were immature. The next day, one matured. The next day, it fertilized. The following day, we transferred a four-cell embryo back into my uterus. Nine days later, I started my period.

     This time, my body responded to stims crazily. By my day 5 u/s, I had a follicle at 15. They reduced my dosage once, then twice, then a third time. They feared OHSS. They told me to disregard the Pregnyl trigger that had come in my box of meds. They had me come to the office and pick up a Lupron trigger. Pre-filled, no chances of screwing it up...I was a happy, if not nauseous camper. They scheduled an ER date, I couldn't do it. Had to push back the retrieval by a day. They were nervous. Thought I would ovulate on my own.

    

Day 5 of Stims

September 5, 2012


     Today is day #5 of stims. I already have several measurable follies, with the largest being 15. My E2 is over 1000. They are dropping my dosage of Follistim tonight, and even more tomorrow night. The nurse says we might be looking at a Monday retrieval. How scary is that???

     Things are moving way more quickly this time. I really hope this is it. I really hope this time is the time that I get to complete my family.

IVF #2

     Well, "Chance" decided not to grow, and grow. So, here we are, preparing for our second dance  with IVF. I can't say that I was surprised, but I was definitely disappointed that things didn't work out the way that I would've wanted them to work.

      After a particularly long 8dp3dt, my back was aching and I was extremely tired. I went to the restroom, and almost fainted when I saw blood on the Charmin. It totally caught me off guard, but in retrospect, I realized that the terrible backache was a tell-tale symptom of my cycle.

     Life goes on.

The IVF

July 20, 2012

     So, here's the thing that I discovered about IVF...it's very similar to motherhood. From the outside looking in, it looks like one thing, but when you're in it, you realize that's it's a totally different ballgame from the one you thought you'd be playing.

      IVF was something that I did not take seriously enough. I was very lackadaisical and reckless about the entire thing. I would watch Giuliana and bill and imagine the process, and read the blogs of the "road warriors" who had undergone 2, 3 and sometimes even more IVFs. I didn't think it would be a cakewalk, but I definitely didn't think it'd be the nightmarish trip to hell and back that it was. The high doses of insanity inducing hormones. The discomfort of a super bloated tummy. The intense gas pains. The mood-swings. The constant monitoring. The anxiety. The disappointment. The heartbreak of getting a less than favorable retrieval report. The gut-wrenching realization that you might have to do it all over again, if this cycle doesn't work. I think IVF is a wonderful, life-altering, blessed, God-given gift. I'm so grateful that this option was available to me and the hubby. I'm glad I was able to experience IVF, and that I might be an inspiration to others though this process. However, I really hated IVF. It was HARD. I pray that I never have to do it, again.

I can't believe it!!!

July 21, 2012

I'm PUPO!!!!!

I can't believe that I get to write that. I wasn't sure it would ever happen for me. But I'm PUPO!!!! I'm PUPO!!! I'm PUPO!!!

My transfer was a 3day. My embryo wasn't winning any awards. They graded it a 3, on a scale of to 4, with 4 being the highest. However, I'm encouraged. My body knows how to get pregnant, and stay pregnant.

I pray that my little embaby (whom I've taken to referring to as "Chance", because God is giving me the chance to complete my family) grows, and grows.

Getting To The Good Part

July 20, 2012

     I had my ET today. Compared to the ER portion of IVF, the transfer was FABULOUS!!!!

     The Dr who did my transfer was so nice, and personable. She was young, but very skilled. The nurses who took care of me, really took good care of me. They were my advocates in the operating room. They guided me, and lead me so that I had a really fantastic transfer experience.

     I love classical music, and the Dr. played some beautiful music during the procedure. It was a combo classical/zen/nature inspired thing, that completely relaxed me. While I was there, with my legs in the stirrups, my bladder threatening to burst, my lovely lady parts exposed, and my future child resting in a petri dish, I felt the presence of the Lord. So, I prayed. And I thanked the Lord for creating life all by Himself. I thanked Him for being with the teenagers who unknowingly created life in the backseats of cars, and behind bleachers after home games, and on top of piles of coats at house parties, and in empty stairwells. I thanked the Lord for being with the couples who created life in hotel rooms in Europe while on vacation, and on the couch, and on the breakfast table, and in their bedrooms, and everywhere on earth that people come together and create life. And I thanked Him for being with me, although some people would work to convince me otherwise. I know the Lord was with me. Blessing me. Holding me. Understanding me. Knowing my innermost thoughts. Having mercy on me. Covering me. Loving me.

How Arrogant Was I?????

July 18, 2012

     So, yesterday I had my retrieval. I had posted earlier (before the retrieval, and before I jacked up my trigger shot, to the point that I thought the entire cycle was gonna be a bust) I was seriously considering putting back 3 embryos. I thought putting back 3 would give us the best opportunity to end up with a much coveted (by me) set of twins.

     Well, today I heard from the embryologist. Only 3 eggs retrieved. Only 1 egg mature. Only 1 egg fertilized.


     This is a really tragic outcome!